Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Dear Baby

This is a post that I wrote on an unpublished blog I made.  I wanted a place to write to the baby whenever I wanted without the whole world seeing it, mainly because no one really knew we were trying to get pregnant.  It's from January 2012. I just re-read it tonight and it brought tears to my eyes! I'm ready to share! Enjoy...

Usually, I savor my time in the shower, especially when the hot water seems endless.  Those days are rare for some reason and it's irritating because we got a new hot water heater only 2 years ago and I was assured a 20 minute shower would be no problem.  Please remind me to talk to BG&E about that if I haven't done so yet when you get here...but I digress...

So, I was in the shower and got to thinking about how much my life has changed in the last 6 months.  Daddy and I did not want children.  We loved visiting your cousins, Owen and Grayson at Auntie Kelly and Uncle Brian's house frequently, but we LOVED coming home to a quiet house.  We loved sleeping in on the weekends.  We loved being able to go somewhere or do something at the drop of a hat without having to worry about a babysitter or packing 100 things in the car like many of our friends do just to go to the store. We liked being a 2-person "us".  We never imagined that would change.  But something happened this past summer.  I can't put my finger on exactly what it was or the exact date it happened, but something changed.  

I started seeing little babies and kids differently.  I wish there was a way for me to quantify this in a way you could understand, but there are just no words to explain how this urge...this burning desire to meet you came about.  Your little spirit found us and planted the seed that told us in our hearts that we would not be a 2-person "us" forever. The only promise we made was to keep this as Mommy & Daddy's secret for the time being. (Aunt Joey & Aunt Melissa know, too.) 

So, as quickly as that feeling came on, I gave into it and committed myself to not fighting it.  Preparations began around our small home immediately.  We painted, de-cluttered, rearranged and are still adding projects to our list.  Yesterday, Daddy took apart our guest room bed and humped it to Auntie Kelly's car all by himself.  Mommy was sleeping after a long night at work.  The bed went to Aunt Jackie's and Aunt Susan's house and we now have room to work on what will eventually be your nursery.

We started trying for you in December. Daddy knew I was taking this seriously when I stopped drinking wine :-) and we were convinced that we were successful, despite what those stupid sticks said...all 7 of them. But, alas, you were not ready. I was heartbroken but Daddy was strong for me. 

I know that when you are ready, you will come, but until then, I will be as patient as I can.  I will continue to make my body as healthy and as strong as you'll need it to be and Daddy and Uncle Shawn will continue to make the house a warm and safe place for you to live.  In the meantime, I'll update this once in a while for you to read at a later time and anxiously await your arrival, little bun.  

I already love you. 

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